10 Things I Learned at the 2022 International Conference on ADHD
November 17–19, I attended the 2022 International Conference on ADHD. It was three days of presentations, networking, and spending time with great people. I enjoyed myself, but I also learned a lot. I would like to share with you 10 things I learned while at the conference.
1.) Interoception
Interception is a network of senses inside your body. Larry Letich described it as a “weather report” inside of you. This term was explained in the context of a presentation on emotional self-connection. It was described as a way to know what is going on inside your organs. I am sure I am oversimplifying what interception is, but it was fascinating to know we not only have senses for what is happening outside our bodies but also inside our bodies.
2.) Emotional Regulation Isn’t Shutting Your Emotions off
Marcy Caldwell described emotional regulation as “getting your emotions to their right size.” I had never thought about it this way. I was getting into black and white thinking. Either it had to be the full effect of emotion or no emotion at all. What Caldwell was getting at is the fact that we are beings who feel emotion and that is a good thing. Feeling our emotions is a good thing. We need to be in touch with our emotional self. What those of us with ADHD struggle with is having an emotional reaction that is appropriate to the situation. I know this was eye-opening for me and will change the way I think and process my emotions.
3.) Innovation in the ADHD World Is Stagnant
Our opening keynote described the way data can help us treat and manage ADHD. In the beginning of the presentation the speaker (Scott H. Kollins) shared data on the outcomes of ADHD treatment and how they have not changed much over the years. Other than different delivery systems of ADHD medication, there really isn’t anything new that the medical community is doing. Kollins said this was unacceptable and offered his ideas on how things can change for the better.
4.) Boundaries Enable Closeness
Melissa Orlov presented on boundaries in ADHD-impacted relationships. One point she made early in her presentation really stuck with me. She said, “Boundaries enable closeness.” This seems counterintuitive. Boundaries are often thought of as walls, but this is not the right way of looking at them. They create better balance and allow for personal growth and growth as a couple. By communicating your boundaries with each other, you can understand what is important to the other person and improve your communication. Boundaries are value-based. By learning and respecting each other’s boundaries, you can grow closer together, learn what is important to the other person, and honor them.
5.) There Are Different Boundary Intensities
Towards the end of her presentation, Orlov described three levels of boundary intensities. The first is preferences. This is when you are partial to a way of doing things. Orlov’s example of this is a clean house. She prefers a clean house, but she can live with a little mess. The next level is desires. These are our most important wishes and how we envision our lives. For me, a desire in a relationship is that my significant other shares the same religious views as me. I want to be able to share myself with someone, and if I feel like I cannot share my faith with someone, I feel like I would be holding an important piece of myself back. However, it is not a deal-breaker, the final level of intensity Orlov described. Deal-breakers are the non-negotiable boundaries that help us understand what we can and cannot let go of. I encourage you to think about your preferences, desires, and deal-breakers. It is important to know what they are.
6.) We Are Wired to Avoid Discomfort and Conserve Energy
I learned the following in Alan P. Brown’s presentation on crushing procrastination. Human beings were not always at the top of the food chain. We used to seek out safety and comfort, while also resting in case we needed to flee a predator. Therefore, there are elements of how we are designed that wire us to avoid discomfort and conserve energy. This leads us to avoid hard things and relax, which in turn leads to procrastination.
7.) We Are Bad at Reading Minds
We are bad at mind reading. I would go so far as to say we cannot do it. In Liz Lewis’ presentation on mental flexibility, she talked about cognitive distortions and how they get in our way. One such thing she discussed was “mind reading.” In this case mind reading is believing your thoughts are someone else’s thoughts. For example if you think someone does not like you, you believe that to be true. The key to combatting this is to ask yourself, “How do you know?” The truth is you almost always don’t know for sure what someone else is thinking. We must avoid personalizing the actions of others. Maybe they do not hate you because they ignored you. Maybe they were just busy or did not see you there. One thing someone told Lewis once, that is extremely powerful, is “People aren’t thinking about you the way you’re thinking about you.”
8.) Lists Are Awesome!
The final presentation I attended was on using lists to help you manage your ADHD. ADHD coach Keith Griffin walked us through the different lists he makes and how they help him, but most of the presentation was us having time to create our own lists. I have always been an instinctive list-maker. It is just my natural reaction to having a bunch of things in my head that I want to remember. However, this presentation reminded me of what I am doing well and how I can lean into that instinct to become even better at managing my brain.
9.) ADHDers Are Talented
Every year, the ADHD conference has a talent show. Every year, it is great. There are so many in the ADHD community that can sing, dance, tell jokes, write poetry, and do other things that delight and entertain a crowd.
10.) The Conference Is Awesome!
I was reminded how great it is to connect with other ADHDers and talk with people who “get it.” I am definitely going to attend next year’s conference in Baltimore, November 16–18, 2023. I hope to see you there!