3 Ways to Motivate an ADHDer
Recently, I had a conversation with Alan P. Brown, Jay Perry, and Ryan Mayer. It was an awesome conversation, and I encourage you to go check out the video replay. One nugget of wisdom that came up was the three ways of motivating someone with ADHD. My mentor Jay Perry dropped this nugget of wisdom, and it blew our minds. The three ways are: Scare, dare, and care. Let’s look at these three rhyming ways of motivation…
Scare
If there is fear of failure, consequences, etc., a person with ADHD will be motivated to get the thing done. When the pressure is on, an ADHDer can get stuff done. We work productively under pressure. Is it the healthiest way to get things done? No, but it gets the job done. It is one way to get things done.
For example, I once procrastinated a 10-page paper in college. I ended up writing it in one sitting the day before it was due. I got it done because the pressure was on. However, I was exhausted after finishing it. I decided that with future projects that big I would not procrastinate.
Dare
The next way to get someone with ADHD to do something is to dare them to do it. A statement along the lines of “I bet you can’t do this” will inspire action in the ADHDer. When we are dared to do something, it will get done. We want to prove others wrong or accept a challenge. A good number of coaches will “challenge” their clients to do something. This is a great motivation idea for those of us with ADHD.
For example, one time my brother told me I couldn’t make root beer cupcakes. I proved him wrong. Did I make the kitchen look like a war zone? Did the cupcakes taste good? That’s not the point. The point is I did it. He said I couldn’t, but I did it. Would I have ever attempted it if I did not want to prove him wrong? Probably not. His claim that I could not do it made me get into action. It’s all about what gets you into action.
Care
The third aspect of motivation is care. You need to care about what the task is in order to be motivated. It needs to be aligned with your values. It needs to fit in with your mission in life. It needs to be important to you. That desire to see the thing occur will inspire action. If you are having a hard time getting into action, figure out why it matters to you. Ignite your sense of caring.
For example, when I wrote my first book, I felt it was important to write it. I wanted the subject to be known by more people. I was inspired by the mission of getting it out there. It exists because I cared.
What Works for You?
The thing is you have to find what works for you. Scare, dare, or care? What works for you?
For me, scare has never been a big motivator. Yes, if there is a deadline, I get moving, but other methods of scare never motivated me. When I was in organized sports, I never responded well to a coach chewing me out or yelling at me to get me to do what they wanted me to do. Dare will sometimes move me to action (especially if my older brother is involved). When I want to prove something to someone, I can do it. However, I feel like the strongest motivator for me is care. When I have a great desire to do something, very little can stop me.
The other thing is you don’t have to use just one. All three or two of them can be used together. So, when considering how to get yourself motivated, play around with the ideas of scare, dare, or care.