The Comparison Trap: What It Is and How to Escape from It
This ADHD Awareness Month, I will be exploring different areas of ADHD awareness. Last week, I discussed a new book on ADHD. This week I will be discussing the faulty logic of comparing yourself to others, something we ADHDers should never do.
Comparing Apples and Oranges
There is an old expression—”Don’t compare apples to oranges.” This simply means do not compare two unlike things as if they were the same. For instance, you should not judge Christopher Nolan’s film Memento by the same standards you would one of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies. They are too different and meant to serve different types of entertainment. Yet, many people do not make the distinction between these movies. They compare all movies the same. I think this is why the DC movies are not well-liked. Everyone tries to compare them to the Marvel movies. The tone of the DC movies clearly tells you they are to be judged differently than Marvel movies. But, I digress; this post is supposed to be about ADHD.
The Comparison Trap
ADHD brains are often compared to neurotypical brains. This is faulty logic. They are wired differently. To compare the two is foolish. It is even more foolish to expect them to behave the same way. Yet, we live in a society tailored to the neurotypical brain, and the ADHD brain is expected to conform to the standards of the neurotypical brain. This is an example of comparing apples to oranges. You cannot expect the same things from an ADHD brain that you do a neurotypical brain. However, this does not mean expecting less of an ADHD brain. On the contrary, ADHD brains can achieve great things. We should be holding them to high expectations, just not the same expectations we have for neurotypical brains. In short, do not compare ADHD brains and their performances to neurotypical brains.
Moreover, each person with ADHD is unique and has a unique “flavor” of ADHD. Therefore, to have the same standards for every ADHD brain is as equally silly as having the same standards for ADHD brains and neurotypical brains.
Escaping the Trap
Now, saying not to compare ADHD brains and neurotypical brains is all fine and dandy, but how do you avoid that temptation? The first step is to reframe the situation when you find yourself slipping into the comparison trap. Simply telling yourself you are comparing apples to oranges will help you see things differently. Once you get a good handle on that, the next step is to ensure you have unique standards for each unique ADHD brain. Find out what you are capable of, and hold yourself to that standard, not the standards others foist upon you. Be uniquely you, and encourage others to do the same.
When Is Comparison Good?
I just ranted on how comparing is bad, but are there any circumstances when comparison is acceptable? Believe it or not, there is at least one that I can think of. The only time you should be comparing yourself to someone else is when you compare who you are today with who you were yesterday. Are you a better person than you were yesterday? That is the only benchmark by which you should be judging yourself.