Everybody always shares the same old advice for time management. The three big ones are: Plan on more time than you think you need (approximately 1.5–2 times as much time as you think you need) to do a task, aim to be 15–30 minutes early for everything, and use timers/alarms/planners. You’d think after years of people saying these things that everyone would be so much better at time management, but they are not.

The struggles an ADHDer faces on a daily basis can take a toll on their mental health. When you mess up as much as an ADHDer does, you start to believe the negative messages you hear both from internal and external sources. This is especially relevant if the ADHD diagnosis does not happen early in childhood. The longer one goes without an ADHD diagnosis, the more one wonders, “What is wrong with me? I must lazy and/or dumb.”

Life with an ADHDer is not always easy, but it is rarely boring. I was reflecting recently about all of the ADHD things I do that will one affect my future wife. I have compiled this list in the hopes that it might inspire you to warn your future spouse about life with you. If you are already married, feel free to enjoy the craziness that follows.

I recently read (okay, listened to the audiobook of) Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by renowned sleep researcher Matthew Walker, PhD. IT. BLEW. MY. MIND. Sleep is crazy important. Because I read that book (okay, listened to that audiobook), I made several changes to my life. My sleep schedule is now quite strict, and I bought a new bed to ensure maximum comfort. In short, I learned that, if you don’t get eight hours of sleep every night, you’re basically screwed.

The other day, I attended a dinner party and stayed later than I had intended. This led to me being tired the next day. I have been trying to get more sleep, so not only was I tired, but I was also disappointed in myself for staying out so late. This is a problem, and I’m sure I’m not the only ADHDer who struggles with this.

When you have ADHD, it is easy to feel bad about yourself. You hear a lot of corrective and critical statements. After hearing enough of those, you begin to internalize them. You begin to feel like you are not enough, and shame creeps into your life.

However, it is important to break free from this pattern of self-shaming. You are not broken. You are who you were created to be. I know it can be easy to feel shame about having ADHD, but you need to fight that temptation. Here are a few suggestions to break free of the shame.

One of the best things you can do for your ADHD brain is to get plenty of sleep, yet many of us ADHDers struggle with getting to sleep. Even if you do stop doing that one more thing and get into your bed at a decent hour, there is a chance your brain will not shut down and go to sleep. It can be frustrating to stare at the clock for hours waiting for your brain to shut down. As it gets later, the pressure to fall asleep grows, and the pressure makes it harder to fall asleep. This can be one of the worst parts of having ADHD. For years, I struggled with falling asleep, only managing to fall asleep in a reasonable amount of time when I was extremely tired.