I write these words on the afternoon of March 25, 2019. I have just returned from watching a performance of Me…Jane: The Dreams and Adventures of Young Jane Goodall (which is based on the book Me…Jane by Patrick McDonnell which is based on the life of Jane Goodall). I loved it (and not just because my sister-in-law played the lead). In fact, I cried. More than once! This silly kids show made me cry. Therefore, I thought I would share what I found so moving about this story and what I think we ADHDers can learn from this story.

Those of us with ADHD defy the norm quite often. Our natural way of doing things works for us, but it is not the way everyone else does things. Because our natural abilities are so different, we get programmed at a young age to not do things the way that is easiest for us. We get pressured into doing things the way everyone else does. This is not good. It does not allow us to accomplish what we otherwise could because we are forced to things in the same manner as everyone else. We need to be free to live by our own owner’s manual.

There are plenty if times where those of us with ADHD do not win. ADHDers need wins, or life will get miserable. Not winning sucks.

SO….you’re probably wondering, “How does one start winning when ADHD makes life so hard?” Good question. Now, I normally give multiple pieces of advice or several steps of one piece of advice in my blogs, but to answer today’s question, I only need to say one thing…

The challenges ADHD causes are not because you are broken. They are the result of a world that is not wired for brains that are wired differently. ADHD is a different brain wiring; it is not a defective brain wiring. You have a good brain. You are not broken.

Hello!

I write this while crouched like an owl on my chair, instead of sitting at my desk like a normal person. Why am I owling as I write this? Well, I am dealing with writer’s block, and I need to have a post ready to go by Monday at 10:45 AM. It is 11:45 AM on Friday currently, and I refuse to work on Sundays. So, as Daffy Duck says in Space Jam, “It’s gut check time.” Something needs to happen, and sometimes, if one wants something to happen, one must change what one is doing. Sometimes, changing things up can bring the focus needed to complete a project. Hence, owling…

One of my favorite movies is Good Will Hunting. It is a movie I first watched during a difficult time in my life, and it is one I return to in times of great trial or transition. I feel there are many life lessons that can be learned from this movie, and I especially feel that ADHDers can learn from this film. If you have not seen it, I recommend you watch it because it is a good movie and this blog post will make more sense if you have seen it.

When you are diagnosed, you are not handed a piece of paper with instructions on how to live the perfect life with ADHD. There is no guide detailing a sure-fire way to avoid the struggles of ADHD. The ugly truth of the matter is there is no owner’s manual for ADHD.

ADHD wreaks all sorts of havoc in the lives of those of us with ADHD. It is easy for the ADHD brain to get overwhelmed. One of the most devastating things that can happen is swirling thoughts. Any of the many struggles an ADHDer faces can lead to these thoughts. We see something that is not going the way we desire, and we become upset by it. We feel a need to fix it and begin searching for a way to do that. However, our minds are not thinking clearly.

One reason parents are often resistant to getting their child tested for ADHD is the fear that their child will be given a label. This is tragic. The ADHD label is not something to be feared. It is not a negative. Yes, there are struggles that come with ADHD, but the label itself does not doom an individual. On the contrary, seeking an ADHD diagnosis can be beneficial.

If there is any trait all people with ADHD need to cultivate within themselves, it is perseverance. ADHD wreaks havoc in all areas of an ADHDer’s life. This causes many struggles in many areas. In short, more often than not, things will not go the way an ADHDer wants them to go. What is needed in those times of struggle is perseverance, the ability to keep moving forward despite setbacks.

When you have ADHD, it is easy to feel bad about yourself. You hear a lot of corrective and critical statements. After hearing enough of those, you begin to internalize them. You begin to feel like you are not enough, and shame creeps into your life.

However, it is important to break free from this pattern of self-shaming. You are not broken. You are who you were created to be. I know it can be easy to feel shame about having ADHD, but you need to fight that temptation. Here are a few suggestions to break free of the shame.

Every year, millions of people stay up until midnight on the night of December 31 to ring in the new year. I have never understood this. I find this quite arbitrary. Prior to midnight, we write "2018" on our checks, and after midnight, we write "2019." If we are celebrating the changing of one element on our calendars, then why are we not doing this every month or every day? One could argue that we celebrate because we only change the year once every 365 days, but if we are simply celebrating the novelty of the changing of the date, it would make more sense to celebrate a new decade.

Part IV covers “The Learning Zone.” All those who are excellent performers in their field have spent and consistently spend plenty of time in the learning zone. Those with a fixed mindset are always in the performance zone. They do not take time to learn and to grow. We need to spend time in both zones. Sadly, many of us neglect the learning zone.

A fixed mindset is easy to spot, especially when you have become aware of it. To remind yourself of what it is like, review part one of this series. When you see the qualities, take notice of them. What effect does this mindset have? How does it affect you? How does it affect others? When you see it in action, remind yourself that you want to foster a growth mindset, not what you are observing. Be sure to take note of both when you are acting with a fixed mindset and when others are using it.

Growth mindset focus on learning, not results. If students focus on improving and learning, their grades will go up. The focus is on learning the information, not simply doing well enough to get the grade that will make their teachers and parents happy. The improvement in academic performance is especially useful in subjects, like math, that build on previous material. Instead of struggling as more and more as topics build on previous topics and having to go back and relearn some material, the student will be ready for the next subject, having already mastered the previous topics.

At the 2018 International Conference on ADHD, one of the keynote speakers (Eduardo Briceño) gave a presentation on growth mindsets. I was blown away by this talk and was inspired to write a four-part series of blog posts on the subject. This first post is simply defining what a growth mindset is.

We all have stories about our lives. There are good stories and bad stories. But, what determines whether or not a story is good or bad? We do. We have the choice to make a story good or bad. The stories in our past that we view as negative, perhaps, just need to be seen in a different light.

Those of us with ADHD have vivid imaginations. We have a crazy amount of ideas and are prone to thinking differently. Our imaginations are powerful, but is this power good or bad? That is a question worth exploring. People believe Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison had ADHD. One of the reasons for this belief is that they were incredibly inventive. They thought outside of the box.

When a person struggles with hyperactivity, impulsivity, inattention, and executive functions, they will struggle in their spiritual life. There are very little resources avail even addressing how to manage one’s spiritual life when one has ADHD. It has been my observation that very few, if any, faith leaders (priests, pastors, rabbis, imams, etc.) offer guidance on managing ADHD and one’s spiritual life. Therefore, I offer this challenge to faith leaders of all religious backgrounds: Research ADHD and how you can minister to those members of your flock who have ADHD.

Our society places high regard on individual effort. We are expected to work hard and show no weaknesses. However, we are social beings. We need others. When life gets tough, there is no shame in seeking the support of others. In fact, it is the smart thing to do.